Tuesday, September 15, 2009


It has been a long time since I consider about something so seriously and thoroughly.

Remember I said that I slept at 5.30am in my previous entry? I've been talking to this close friend of mine because he couldn't sleep and so, he called me - knowing that I'm a night owl as well. I guess it's pretty normal for us to talk on the phone in the middle of the night - even when I was in Australia.

Yes, he will call all the way to Australia once awhile just to talk to me. Something that my housemates will laugh at because they could hear me chatting on the phone and giggling in the middle of the night around 4-5am. This time around, he asked a very awkward question.

He asked me to attend his brother's wedding with him. And he wanted me to join him at the family table!!!

Crazy not?

Honestly speaking, I don't mind going for the wedding dinner (KL Hilton, lavish dinner and Malaysia's best jazz will be playing wtf?) but by agreeing to sit at the family table with him is like sending out the WRONG message to everyone present on that night isn't it? He actually has a table for his friends but he knew that I'll be bored if he leaves me alone there because I don't know his friends at all. Okay, fine. I met his friends once and that was like, 2 years ago?

He even wanted to invite Teng along just to accompany me but it'll be very weird as Teng is not even close to him. He spent a long time sorting things out that best suits me because he really, really wanted me to go with him badly.

And so, he thought, since the family table has extra seat, he wanted me to join him there.

But I think he left out something - what am I going to do when the whole family went up to the stage to give their blessings to the newlyweds? It'll be awkward for me to sit there alone or even more awkward if I follow them along! RIGHT?

I have actually made up my mind that I don't want to go for some personal reasons. Being the usual straight forward me, I'd tell the guy straight of my decisions and nobody can change my mind. I am very straight forward, even if it meant to disappoint or break people's heart because dragging a relationship or wasting people's time is not quite what I'll do.

But I can't really do that to him.

I felt that he's a guy that I owed him a lot - in time wise. He has waited for me for 4 years. Within these 4 years, I've been telling him to give up countless times but he's very persistent. So, what I can do is not to spend his money. In fact, I don't spend guys' money because I think it's not a very nice thing to do as a girl. People always said I'm not materialistic enough wtf. Although many friends have told me that I don't owe him anything because I've been very blunt all along with him and everything is what he gets himself into.

But if you have feelings, would you still continue to disappoint this man? I know I'll be disappointing him again but the problem now is that I don't know how to tell him that I don't want to go! He really wish that I'll be there with him during one of his happiest day because his brother is getting married.

But I don't even know your brother -_- And I'm not even going as your gf but a friend. I don't want to be left alone with your friends because I'm pretty sure that I'll be bored :( I don't mind sitting with you at the family table but that will send out the wrong message to your family and relatives - something that I can't and don't want to do.

Don't even tell me to be his gf so that all the problems will be solved. I used to like him I admit. But due to the wrong timing, things didn't work out and he missed out the chance. I, on the other hand, wouldn't look back to my past and reconsider him because it's rather impossible in my dictionary.

I can't believe that saying "no" can be so difficult. I have to give him my answer today! Guess I'll text him instead. Can't bear to listen to his voice and disappoint him. Sigh.

p/s - From my Twitter, I said that there's another guy who confessed to me in msn. It wasn't this guy okay. He won't do cheap things such as confessing in msn because it's so insincere! That was another man.

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